Coalition for Marriage chief urges Christian men to speak up in church

Christian men must overcome their fear of disapproval and take greater responsibility in their churches, families and communities, the chief executive of the Coalition for Marriage has said. Speaking about biblical masculinity, Tony Rucinski warned that harmful male behaviour is not confined to anger and aggression. It can also include remaining silent when something needs to be said, and he challenged men to speak truth in the face of “darkness.”

Rucinski said the term “toxic masculinity” is typically associated with aggression and anger. “But actually … toxic masculinity can also be silence. It can also be not saying what you should say,” he said. He added: “The Church is bereft of men who will say the right things at the right time.”

He described the biblical model as a man who recognises his strength, brings it under control and uses it for godly purposes. Referring to Jesus’ description of his followers as the salt of the earth, he questioned whether Christians were fulfilling their responsibility to resist moral decay. He argued that churches could be guilty of prioritising harmony at the expense of biblical convictions. Drawing on James 3:17, he said the passage places purity before peace, whereas Christians sometimes reverse that order. “The problem in the Church these days, especially among some of the men, is that we switch those two words around so that peace and harmony becomes the priority at the expense of biblical purity and doctrinal purity,” he said.

Rucinski said fear of criticism could also keep Christian men from addressing difficult issues. Courage, he suggested, requires a willingness to live with other people’s disapproval without becoming unpleasant or deliberately seeking confrontation. “If you can live with the disapproval of others, you will discover a superpower,” he said. Drawing on the biblical teaching that God gives a spirit of power, love and self-discipline rather than fear, he argued that Christian masculinity should combine strength with restraint and a willingness to serve others. He acknowledged that these qualities apply to women as well as men, while challenging male delegates to consider how they were putting them into practice. Speaking the truth with love and care (Ephesians 4:15) is a discipline he tied to this call to courage.

Rucinski paired his call to courage with an emphasis on humility and sacrifice. Following Christ, he said, means being prepared to serve others at personal cost. He also challenged men to develop a clearer sense of purpose, asking them to consider what vision they had for their families, churches, work and wider lives.

He said spiritual maturity requires deliberate effort and encouraged delegates to identify three specific areas in which they needed to grow, rather than settling for a general desire to become better Christians.

Rucinski was addressing the annual conference of the International Foundation for Therapeutic and Counselling Choice, held in Poland at the weekend. Prayer and Bible reading are essential to that process, he suggested, even if it starts with only a few minutes each day.

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