Six Practical Ways to Resolve Conflict Well in Marriage

The post begins from the view that close marriages will inevitably produce conflict, so wise couples learn ahead of time how to handle it well. The author notes, from years of counseling couples, that many people settled into poor habits early on, such as raising their voices, going silent, relying only on text messages, or giving up on trying altogether. The piece offers a set of practical suggestions to help couples build a sturdier foundation.

The first and most emphasized principle is to deal with your own sin before fixing your spouse’s. Borrowing a saying from Robert Murray M’Cheyne, the author suggests taking ten looks at your own failings for every one you take at your spouse’s. Next, the author encourages spouses to invite each other to name the sins they notice, since a husband or wife sees things no one else does. This works best in a calm, safe setting, where the listener hears the words patiently, does not get defensive, and waits a day before responding. The post also recommends setting a time limit on disputes. The author describes a “10 o’clock rule” in their own marriage: unresolved issues are set aside at night, with a prayer and an expression of love, and revisited later when both people are rested and clearer-headed.

Other suggestions include bringing in trusted friends or elders when needed, not to take over but to provide a steadying presence that keeps emotions in check. The author also urges couples not to keep score, since love does not tally wrongs, and to become more attentive to signs of God’s grace in one another than to remaining faults. The closing thoughts stress that asking for forgiveness matters as much as saying “I love you,” and that resolving conflict well is a lasting key to a healthy marriage.

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